My Life on Rat Poison or Part II of "The Story"

These are the first pictures/the first time I saw my baby:

Our pediatrician took them with his iphone the night Eve was born. I woke up from the anesthesia at about 1 AM. I remember having a fairly coherent conversation with the nurse attending me, but I can't remember what was said. I think I asked if my little girl was okay, and the nurse asked me her name. Apparently, Richie wouldn't tell anyone her name because he wanted me to be the first one to say it. Richie came in and showed me her pictures. I started to cry because she was so beautiful. She had all ten fingers and toes; she was perfect in every way imaginable. After carrying her for 33 weeks, I knew we were going to be good friends, but I had no idea that she was going to be so beautiful, and touch my heart so deeply. The rest of that night was blurry, all I know is that the nurses kept checking in with me every hour or so, so I didn't sleep much. Later that morning they had me pump for the first time, which made me vomit afterwards. I can't even remember that last time that happened! But that was the effects of the anesthesia. You will be happy to know that I now pump constantly and have been able to keep my cookies untossed.

At two in the afternoon I was able to go down to the NICU to see Eve for the first time. Richie wheeled me into her room and I gasped to see how small she was! Pictures, even with other references there to compare size, do not fully give the sense of just how tiny this little girl is. Her fingernails were the size of sesame seeds. A nurse wrapped her in a blanket and set her in my arms. She was connected to various pieces of equipment and there were about 4 or 5 tubes or cords attached to her, which makes it awkward sometimes to hold her, but she was not on oxygen anymore (her lungs are awesome). But holding her for the first time was incredible. I couldn't believe that this little person was my baby. The love one feels for their child the first time is impossible to explain. It's something that you feel so instictively and so deeply that you almost don't realize that you feel it until you try to quantify it or at least acknowledge it. All I can say is that there were many tears shed at that point. In fact, I'm crying as I write this, so tears are still being shed, and will most likely continue to be shed until I die. If you can't tell, I'm still a little emotionally vulnerable.

(I would post a picture of me holding her for the first time, but my face was still so swollen that I look positively putrid and will spare myself the embarrassement. I still don't have a good mother and baby shot, I need Richie to become a good photographer! )

Eve was doing quite well despite her rocky start until Wednesday morning. Dr. McKenna (our pediatrician) came into my room quite solemn. Eve's stomach was disstended and she was in the radiology department at that moment having x-rays done to figure out why her stomach was expanding. It turned out that her bowels were plugged up with mucous and meconium, and so she couldn't pass anything out of her body, causing her belly to swell painfully. She had to have a barrium enema, and then she was on suppositories the next few days (one every three hours!). It was so sad! We got to see her after she came back from the enema, and her stomach looked fit to burst. The skin was hard, tight and red. She was not happy. But she eventually started to pass stools (a little bit here and there) and returned to normal.

I, on the other hand, was a complete basket case that day. I could not stop sobbing. They sent a social worker student to me (I think they were afraid I'd really start to freak out) but really, I just needed time. I sobbed the whole day Friday when I was discharged from the hospital and I went home without my baby. That was a very hard day. I also noticed that my calf was sore, but it felt just like a slightly sore muscle. When I woke up on Saturday however, it was very very tender and painful. I called the hospital, but the on-call doc asked if I had any other symptoms of a blood clot, which I did not. The whole weekend it was very sore however, and on Monday, a NICU nurse said that I should definitely see my doctor about it. So on Tuesday (exactly one week after having Eve) I went to get my blood pressure checked and I told the nurse I had to see a doctor about my leg. I didn't get to see my doctor, but the one I did see told me I needed to get an ultrasound done on my leg.

I went to the hosptial that night for my ultrasound. I didn't think they would find anything, but they ended up discovering two different clots in my left calf. So then I had to be admittted into the emergency room. The whole process took about four hours. I am now on Coumadin, a blood thinning pill, and Lovenox, a shot Richie has to give me twice a day in the stomach. Interesting fact: the ER doctor told me that coumadin is literally rat poison. Did you know that rat poison basically causes rats to hemorrage and bleed to death? That is terrible! Thank you, ER doctor, for keeping me so informed. As if I wasn't freaked out enough already.

So, there is happiness to the end of this story. At least, so far there is. Eve is doing awesome! She's just over three weeks old, and has gained almost a whole pound. She is now over 18 inches long and weighs 4 lb 13 oz. She is eating and pooping just fine, and I am even able to nurse her twice a day, which is amazing. We are hoping to bring her home soon! (Though she might be coming home with oxygen and a heart monitor, but we'll just figure that all out when the time comes.) She is a very special girl, and we are so blessed and happy and excited and a little terrified to have her in our lives. And we'd also like to thank everyone, all of you, who have prayed for us and thought of us and served us as we have started this epic journey. Thank you thank you! We love you all.