A Study in Surrealism, or "The Story"

Look at this little girl:

One can already recognize the flicker of a mischevious nature on her face. That must be one of the reasons why she came SEVEN WEEKS EARLY! cheeky monkey...

Monday, January 26th started out as a normal day. I had my lazy morning, did some grocery shopping, watched The Notebook made dinner. Actually, it was a lazier day than normal because I had been feeling unwell all weekend; just blah, very low energy, not much appetite, and my hands and feet had started swelling to uncomfortable proportions. My right hand had actually started to go numb. I called the doctor's office that day to see if they wanted me to come in, but they said that all they would do would be to take my blood pressure, and I decided that since I had a doc appointment later that week, there was no need to go over there. The last few appointments I had high blood pressure, but none of the other symptoms that go along with toxemia or eclampsia, so I wasn't too worried about it.

That night we went to our Lamaze class and (ironically) toured the hospital and watched c-section video tapes. We came home a little after 8:30. At nine I went upstairs to change into my pajamas. I was pulling my shirt off when I felt a gush a warm liquid between my legs. I got scared, but thought that it was amniotic fluid. I pulled my pants down and saw blood EVERYWHERE. I was in shock! I screamed Richie's name a couple times. All I could do was just stand there, staring at the blood. Richie came upstairs. Now, Richie hates blood and guts and needles and that sort of thing, so I thought he was going to freak out more than me, but he saw the blood, grabbed my hand and very calmly said, "let's go, right now." So we dashed to the car and drove to the hospital.

That 10 minute ride to the hospital was the longest car ride of my life. I was not in any pain, but very very scared and I could still feel the bleeding. We went to the emergency room, where I think they thought we were idiots because it was hard to see all the blood through my dark jeans. I think they thought that my water had just broken and we were freaking out for nothing. They wheeled me over to the labor and delivery section of the hospital. When I stood out the wheelchair, there was a huge puddle of blood and the girl just went "oh," like she finally realized just what we meant by "she's 33 weeks pregnant and bleeding between her legs!"

As I changed into my hospital gown I looked down at my legs and realized that they were grotesquely swollen. My blood pressure was extremely high, and they were having a hard time getting the fetal heart rate monitor to pick up Eve's heartbeat, and that was very distressing. Richie was getting pretty frustrated. They called my doctor and set up an ultrasound, but they said the machine was old and that they really didn't know what they were looking at or looking for. Finally my doctor came in and found the heartbeat, and got an ultrasound tech to come in and help her decipher what they were seeing. As this was going on, I started to have regular back pains, which turned out to be contractions. I couldn't feel my uterus contracting at all, but the back pain was bad. I also felt something firm and warm slip out between my legs and I started yelling "there's something coming out between my legs!" My doctor reached down and pulled out a blood clot about the size of a pear. Richie said "oh!" and looked a little green. After that, Dr. Blackett had to keep reaching up into my vaginia and pull out fistfuls of blood clots. That really hurt. She also checked my cervix and I was dialated to a two.

All this time, I never thought that I was going to have my baby that night. I thought for sure that they would figure out how to stop the bleeding, and the labor, and even if I was in the hospital for the next two months, I never thought I would have the baby that night. The ultrasound showed that my placenta had "abrupted," and part of it had pulled away from the uterine wall. Dr. Blackett checked my cervix again and I was dialated to a 3. She told me that they were going to monitor me to see if the bleeding and labor would stop. "If not," she said, "we're going to have to have to deliver her by cesarean section." For some reason, I thought the monitoring would be over the course of days. But she said "no, we'll monitor you for about half an hour, so the surgery will be tonight."

That was the point that I started crying. Up until then I was very scared and frustrated, but pretty calm and collected. After everyone left the room however, and it was just me and Richie, I just started crying. I was not ready for this baby to come! We had nothing for her, not even a car to take her home in. I had a bunch of material at home that I was going to sew into crib bedding. I had a birth plan, I was so prepared for a natural vaginal birth in March. I was so excited to have a Spring baby close to my birthday. I did not want to have this baby in January, seven weeks early, by c-section. And mostly, I was so worried that she would die, or that there would be some horrible complications. And also, I was a little worried that I would die. I mean, surgery is surgery--it's always a big deal. I had never been in the hospital for anything my entire life! I was a healthy woman.

Richie held my hand and talked to me. He also gave me a blessing of health and safety. Richie was a stalwart husband and very caring and worried. I am so so grateful for him. I don't know how I would have survived this experience without his constant love and support.

About 11:30 Dr. Blackett came back into my room with the anesthiesiologist (sp?). There was no change in me, and because my placenta was not functioning, they would not stop the labor. They had to deliver my baby. Dr. Blackett wanted to give me a spinal block, but the anesthiesiologist decided that because of my blood loss (I lost over 2 liters of blood that night) it was too risky and I had to go under general anesthesia. I had never had surgery before, and it was the most surreal experience to be wheeled into the operating room with it's bright lights and scrub-clad nurses everywhere. I remember being lifted onto this very skinny table, with my arms stretched out to the sides like Jesus on the Cross. The only thing I could see was my reflection in the light glass above me, and I saw nurses painting iodine or something brown all over my naked belly. The face mask thing was put over my mouth, and I heard everyone talking about how they were going to cut me open. I said "I'm not under yet!" And that is the last thing I remembered until I woke up.

Eve bottle feeding with Dad. She's a good sucker! Her face is so tiny!

Part II of "The Story" to be continued...